They left me
All of them
My father whose last rites
I did more than a decade later
In the forest
I had ceased
to miss my family
My teachers
were my faithful subjects
who wanted to stay
My father-in-law Janaka
Who kept Sita
Whom he got as a foundling
On the blessed earth of Mithila
I killed Ravana
And found my hardened foot
Tapping in time with
His Shiva Thandava
How could such a writer be not great?
You my wife,
Beloved,
Princess of Mithila
Came with me into the forest
Your skin washed with milk and honey
Chafed under the rough bark
We all learned to drape in
Your legs were strong
For you used to fight in akhaadas
In your father›s kingdom
Yet they were not used
To thorns and the pebbly paths
animals made through the forest
You gave Ayodhya two heirs
My brothers have children too
I was so loving to you in the forest
You bloomed like an orchid
in a dungheap
Your eyes were so beautiful
There was always curve on your lips
As if you had just finished smiling
Or was about to smile
You mothered Lakshman
I never realised it before
That his mother was the best of Dashrath›s queens
The creepers and trees and the wildlife
celebrated you
Yet you were taken away
Stolen and spirited far, far away
I went hunting for you
while I kept telling myself
We are with each other, always
Through every birth
You looked so gaunt and lovely
When you finally came to me
In Sri Lanka
I wanted to run to You
Gather your fragrant hair by the handful
Yet I disowned you
Each word of mine
Hurt You more than that separation from me
My heart burned, as did Lakshmana›s eyes
as you walked coolly through the fire to me
There was a hiss of sound from Hanuman
hidden by the crackling sound of your Agni Pareeksha
Only I heard it,
Hanuman was too devoted
to think of questioning me
Then I left you again
Did Lakshmana hate me then,
I wondered
Yet again I got a second chance
One that I did not take,
Yet again
this time,
You chose to leave me, forever
When the Earth split to take you in,
My soul did not just split, it splintered
Lakshmana never mentioned your name again
Hanuman sang me songs daily of our story
I felt solace in both strangely
Lakshmana left me too
After I gave him a death penalty
Was I faithful to Dharma in damaging all relationships?
I am King, an established ruler
No one tells me the truth anymore
No one is left to tell me the Truth anymore
Sarayu is distant from the Sea, Sita
yet it is salty
The tears I held back are flowing out at last
My prana leaves me
Sita, My prana, My life!
Take Me to You
For yours in the only kingdom
I would have been happy
to live in,
A carer of your dream garden,
if You permit me
With You smiling at me,
across rose bushes free of thorns.
Lakshmi Bayi
Thiruvathira Thirunal Lakshmi Bayi was born the XII Princess of the erstwhile royal family of Travancore.
